APOLOGIES

I got angry with someone and was so nasty I felt badly about it hours later. I called my sister for an opinion on the apology I was working on and she stopped me and said, "You're not apologizing. You're saying you feel badly about how you were getting along, that's not taking responsibility for you being a total bitch."

Gotta love a sister.

She'll tell it to you like no one. And the fact is, she's right.

There is nothing worse than being on the receiving end of a tepid apology. The kind that says, if you weren't so awful, I wouldn't be either.

Thanks to her I was able to do what you're supposed to do in an apology, which is not ever about making excuses for your behavior. I simply named what I did wrong and apologized for it. I'm glad I did it because I don't feel badly anymore, but that doesn't change how much I hate giving them out. I wish I could live a life where I never have to say I'm sorry, but that's for the movies, yo. I have to say I'm sorry whenever I have a lingering bad feeling, because I can't afford to be afraid to run into people.

Today's practice was all about twists. Your twists get at the root of forgiveness. xo

RADICAL RELAXATION

You know that instruction on the airline safety video, about putting your own oxygen mask on first? It's actually a design for living.

A mentor once told me that the only way to be available to help other people is to be rested. I thought this was criticism of my overbooked lifestyle, but her words stayed with me. Even as I pared down my life to a simpler state, I often found myself staying up too late. Sacrificing sleep so I didn't "miss out" on anything. Rushing around to get "extra" things done.

When I am in balance with my meditation and exercise and life, I know it's not possible to miss a thing or fail to get something done. I'm still here, aren't I?

More deeply, however, it became easier to see how rushing, being tired, or feeling deprived in any way keeps me from being available to other people. When I'm missing sleep or a meal or connection with others, I can't give wholly because there's a part of me that's worried about getting what's mine.

And so, in the interest of being more present, my practice today is to rest deeply – my biggest challenge, I rarely skip a meal or a phone call! – so that I can be available to put the oxygen mask on others.